My dad often did/does things expecting something in return, making his "gifts" conditional. He would, at the very least, remind us of what he did. The "gift" often wasn't worth receiving. I wish more people practiced true altruism.
I try. I don’t always succeed, but if I hear my inner voice say, “But I did that thing for her/him,” I realize my actions might be self-serving, and I need to take a walk around myself, as my good friend would say.
I find it hard to be kind when I am so angry. I know that when I'm rattled I am more likely to be angry. And I am learning, in meditation, to hope to move beyond my anger. Then it will be easier to be kind. I am bipolar, and very lucky to have my mate, and good supportive friends. But being bipolar makes it hard to be a person, as do many other things. So, while I do think most of us are born with "kind" souls, I also believe that it doesn't take much of harsh life to "unkind" some people.
I hear you, Rebecca. 🩵 I struggle (hard) with anger with my bipolar disorder, too. Some days, I act in unkind ways that hurt loved ones and crush my spirit. I keep bringing it back to center for myself and the people around me. It’s definitely an ongoing practice.
I am so glad you get it. I see son (who is also autistic) struggle with it, too. I have found that what I most need when I am hypo-angry, is to be utterly and completely alone. If I had an sensory deprivation chamber I would crawl into it. Or a good hole somewhere where no one could find me. But, as it turns out, that is generally the thing that can cause even more guilt--when can a mother be alone?
I felt this just last night after I was told something frightening about my older daughter. It brought up trauma, which is a trigger for my bipolar-branded anger. I had to isolate for a few hours and distract myself with a document for work. I spent the night with guilt.
Yes. Trauma. I have experienced too many things that caused me to go into a kind of weird Shock. Some of them were not terrible, some were almost unbearable, some were bad, some were almost happy. But still, the Shock. The being frozen while also moving. I've moved through much too much time in this state. Ah, we should do a Substack Podcast about being Bipolar. Wouldn't that be cool? And helpful for people? We could start out by just interviewing each other, discussion....oh it could be cool.
Oh, yes, the Shock. I definitely had the Shock last night. I like where you’re going with the podcast. I want to become more comfortable speaking outside of my day job (where everyone would probably prefer me to be less comfortable, LOL).
Josey- I’d have to agree with you: I also believe that all human beings are born with kind souls.
Yup. So true.
Yes, kindness is a muscle… not always fit
Great piece
My dad often did/does things expecting something in return, making his "gifts" conditional. He would, at the very least, remind us of what he did. The "gift" often wasn't worth receiving. I wish more people practiced true altruism.
I try. I don’t always succeed, but if I hear my inner voice say, “But I did that thing for her/him,” I realize my actions might be self-serving, and I need to take a walk around myself, as my good friend would say.
I find it hard to be kind when I am so angry. I know that when I'm rattled I am more likely to be angry. And I am learning, in meditation, to hope to move beyond my anger. Then it will be easier to be kind. I am bipolar, and very lucky to have my mate, and good supportive friends. But being bipolar makes it hard to be a person, as do many other things. So, while I do think most of us are born with "kind" souls, I also believe that it doesn't take much of harsh life to "unkind" some people.
I hear you, Rebecca. 🩵 I struggle (hard) with anger with my bipolar disorder, too. Some days, I act in unkind ways that hurt loved ones and crush my spirit. I keep bringing it back to center for myself and the people around me. It’s definitely an ongoing practice.
I am so glad you get it. I see son (who is also autistic) struggle with it, too. I have found that what I most need when I am hypo-angry, is to be utterly and completely alone. If I had an sensory deprivation chamber I would crawl into it. Or a good hole somewhere where no one could find me. But, as it turns out, that is generally the thing that can cause even more guilt--when can a mother be alone?
I felt this just last night after I was told something frightening about my older daughter. It brought up trauma, which is a trigger for my bipolar-branded anger. I had to isolate for a few hours and distract myself with a document for work. I spent the night with guilt.
Yes. Trauma. I have experienced too many things that caused me to go into a kind of weird Shock. Some of them were not terrible, some were almost unbearable, some were bad, some were almost happy. But still, the Shock. The being frozen while also moving. I've moved through much too much time in this state. Ah, we should do a Substack Podcast about being Bipolar. Wouldn't that be cool? And helpful for people? We could start out by just interviewing each other, discussion....oh it could be cool.
Oh, yes, the Shock. I definitely had the Shock last night. I like where you’re going with the podcast. I want to become more comfortable speaking outside of my day job (where everyone would probably prefer me to be less comfortable, LOL).